[life together]

There are a few things I have come across in this world that I truly love, although many that I like.

-I like the smell of coffee early in the morning after 8.5 hours of sleep.. and not a second more or less.
-I like reading words of meaning, whether words that teach me or those that encourage me.
-I like baking - particularly oatmeal chocolate chip cookies - on cold & rainy evenings.. and eating 1/2 of the cookie dough before putting it in the oven. Whoops.

But I love community.

Here goes.. my first post in quite some time. The past 6 months have been somewhat of a large blur. Sometimes life plans get sidetracked and my own strong desires become outweighed by present feelings & situations. Could I be more non-descriptive? Probably not, but hopefully you get my gist.

Anyway, throughout this entire season, two things have remained.

1. Jesus
2. Community

Throughout this season, I have learned just how essential community is for myself, as well as every single person on the face of the earth, I would argue. Strong, solid, righteous community. You know what I'm talking about - those people that you can pour out your heart to for hours on end without second guessing your decision to tell them your most intimate life details. The people who don't have to listen to your complaining but willingly choose to do so because of their genuine love for you. The people who urge you on in the right direction with truth, regardless of whether or not you can see the truth for what it is at that specific time in your life.

My community/encouragers/supporters - each of them as important to my well being as water is to my body - have exhibited the love of Jesus to me time and time again. That truthful encouragement that I'm talking about - the loving kindness that community graciously presents to us - comes from Jesus Christ.

To the ones that love me - this one's for you. You mean more to me than you know.

Thank you for reminding me that I belong.

Thank you for believing in me.

Thank you for showing me that God delights in me and calls me by name.

Thank you for reminding me that I am never too far gone - that I am loved deeply and wholly as I am.

Thank you for choosing to be the salt in the world, especially when it is difficult and goes unnoticed.

Thank you for showing me what God is really like.

Thank you for loving me. The world needs more people like you.

 

not pictured: nicole triana

 

 

YOU are love.

 

[the season of becoming]

In lieu of my own words, I am going to reference one of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequest. If you have not yet read any of her 3 books (particularly Bread & Wine), I demand (strongly encourage..?) you to.

This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find … themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. … they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated. 

Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. 

Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?” 

Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe God is good and life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.

-- Shauna Niequest's "11 Things to know at 25(ish)" for Relevant Magazine

                                                   

[in everything]

I wonder if God laughs when he sees us contemplating how to ‘best’ practice His presence.

Do I need to go pray in the church?

..Read the Bible every morning before work?

..Spend time in nature?

..Maybe partake in coffee with a friend while discussing Jesus’ characteristics?

Yes – to all of these things together, but no to each of these things alone.

Don’t we see?

If we truly believe God to be the creator of the universe – the creator of you & me – why would we not believe that God is inextricably involved in each & every aspect of our lives? He wants His followers to experience Him through time in prayer, reading His word, exploring nature, and over coffee with a friend.. and then some. 

When we think that we can set out x amount of minutes/hours/etc. (also known in Christianese as ‘quiet time’) in order to get ‘closer’ to the Lord, we are inadvertently diluting His image. God was never meant to be reduced to a ‘once a day’ dosage. He wants us to experience His goodness & joy constantly – without ceasing. (And no – this is not to say that I don’t like setting out time to learn about the Lord. If you know me, you know I love a good coffee house & some Bible reading; rather, I am saying that God wants us to stretch out this communion with Him over the entire course of our days.)

..so why do we do this? Is it because we’re scared?

Are we unbelieving?

Are we forgetful?

I would argue the latter to be most prevalent in my case. Unfortunately, it is extremely easy for me to be consumed in my current situation while completely neglecting God – not necessarily on purpose, but just because it is hard for me to redirect my thoughts on something I am not tangibly seeing or communing with.

However, I truly believe that if we intentionally opened our eyes and removed our blinders, stopped putting boundaries on where we expect God to show up, we will see that God is speaking to us throughout each & every moment of our days. 

I can guarantee that He wants to work through you..if you let Him.

I can guarantee that you will find Him.. if you look hard enough.

He’s there when you wake up – affirming that His mercies are new every morning.

He’s there when you eat lunch – giving you nourishment through the foods He created and the taste buds He blessed you with.

He’s there in your conversations with coworkers – urging you to love them as Jesus loves you: without limit, without fail, without judgment.

He’s there in the midst of your worrying about your busy schedule or your upcoming project deadline – He wants to give you focus & endurance when you ask. He wants you to be still & know that He is God.

What I’m saying is that He wants us to feel His presence and let us know that He is with us.. constantly. Let us not take this gift for granted.

Let us occupy ourselves entirely in knowing God. The more we know Him, the more we will desire to know Him. As love increases with knowledge, the more we know God, the more we will truly love Him. We will learn to love Him equally in times of distress or in times of great joy.

--Brother Lawrence

That we need only to recognize God intimately present with us, to address ourselves to Him every moment, that we may beg His assistance for knowing His will in things doubtful, and for rightly performing those which we plainly see He requires of us, offering them to Him before we do them, and giving Him thanks when we have done.

--Brother Lawrence

[a redeemed failure, I am]

There is this one thing. This one, enormously h-u-g-e problem I have. I can't for the life of me get rid of it. And trust me.. I've tried. It's sticky and bitter and has an AWFUL aftertaste. It upsets every facet of my life whether it be through friendships, relationships, religion, love, or goals.

Here it goes..

I'm a failure.

[Background Information:]
The other weekend I was talking with my friend about our lives in high school - about how young and naive we were compared to our college selves. We discussed how knowledgeable we felt in that present time but how off the rocker that thought, in fact, really was. We talked about our mistakes and how we thought we had learned from them.. until we began discussing our college lives and the mistakes we re-rehearsed.

[Fast Forward:]

Post college I still make most of those mistakes, no matter how hard I try to evade them. I am constantly relearning the lessons I 'learned' last week, last month.. last year. Hard of hearing? Maybe. No - definitely. Apparently [and unfortunately] my conscience isn't always as loud as my feelings.

[Synopsis:] 

a. I am never going to be omniscient or as full of knowledge of life as I would like to be, thus enabling me to make mistakes. Frequently.

b. While there is wisdom to be gained in life, I will most likely choose the wrong route [at times] even though I know it is wrong. I will do so knowingly & willfully.

c. I have a hard time ridding myself of these mistakes when depending on my own strength to do it.

And then grace steps in.

That illogical yet life changing five letter word - the word that only comes to meaning after failing. And failing hard. 

You begin to feel it releasing you from your heavy shackles after putting that significant other on a pedestal when they were never called to be there. After proclaiming to love a friend, yet neglecting to put her above yourself. After placing your self worth in your success at work.. as if this is an indicative measure. After trying to go a day without coveting something or someone. (Whatever it is, it's all the same.)

..and finding that you're f-o-r-g-i-v-e-n. Not because you deserve it, but solely because you don't deserve it.

And the good thing about grace.. is that it also sticks. We can't seem to get past it once we truly & intimately experience it. Rather than having an awful aftertaste, it is sweet like honey and filling like homemade bread. Rather than upsetting every facet of your life, it restores & redeems it all.

No longer are you bound to your mistakes. Not because you deserve it, but solely because you don't deserve it.

This is exactly who Jesus is. 

When one of the 12 disciples, Peter, who admittedly desired to follow Jesus with his whole heart denied being a follower of Jesus not one but a solid THREE times, Jesus wholeheartedly forgives him.

'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.' (Luke 23:34)

Let me remind you - Peter is the same guy who told Jesus that he would never disown Him, even if that meant he had to die with Him (Matthew 26:35). After Jesus' mysterious act of forgiveness, Peter goes on to be an ambassador of the gospel to the Gentiles. When persecuted, he perseveres. When tempted, he holds his ground to he point of death.

You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. (Romans 6:18)

This is grace in action. 

This is exactly what you are being offered.

Of course, this is in no way to say that you are never going to mess up (hint: see above). Rather, this means that you are forgiven & redeemed through the blood of Jesus Christ. We will never fully understand the mystery of grace, but if we're wise enough to see what is truly being offered, we will sprint with arms wide open to the only One who can cure us of our emptiness. Our mistakes. Our backsliding. Our selfishness. Our inherent flaws. Our incapacity to see God for who He truly is.

This, my friends, is grace.

[We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.] 
--C.S. Lewis

[the last thing on my to do list]

This past month has been stressful [for somewhat unnecessary reasons].

So.. if you know me well, you are one of the lucky people who get to hear about my bodily stress issues. (Side note: my body HATES stress. Like if my body was trapped on a deserted island with one thing.. the last thing on the list would in fact be.. stress.) I digress..

So it’s been annoying.

But you know what I find even more annoying?

It’s the fact that I know exactly what will help in easing my apprehension, yet some days I find myself neglecting to do it, as if it’s just another box to check off on my never ending to-do list.

Wait.. why?!

Because I am stubborn.

I like to pretend that I am in control of my life and can obtain peace on my own accord.

I spend the time that I could be using in communion with Jesus to worry about my worries. And yes, I am well aware that this is not a sensible solution. 1 + 1 does not equal dog.

Do you ever find yourself getting caught up in the troubles of the day/week/month/year? Don’t get me wrong here – I understand that some things naturally bring about anxiousness: new jobs, relationships, travel, overfilled schedules, etc. I would find it a bit strange if I wasn’t concerned with the things that I have been experiencing the past few weeks. But the amount of concern I have expressed over these things (..should we call them lifesuckers?) looks different than trust and a WHOLE lot different than being still and knowing that He is God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

What if I took time to meditate on this truth rather than worry about outcomes and expectations? The Creator of the Universe loves ME and wants to use me for His divine purpose of redeeming the world!

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

What if I took Jesus for His word and trusted Him to give me rest?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Welp, it’s time to sit & trust.

Later!

[a letter to the future me]

A letter for those of us who can sometimes get caught up in the expectations - whether implicit or explicit, true or false, big or small - that the world around us demands; a letter to give perspective from outside of the tunnel, desiring to shed new light that can only come from experience, wisdom, and time.

---------->Hint: Insert your name [here].

To the future [Laura],

Earlier this week you assisted your company in recruiting at the University of Oklahoma's career fair. You saw hundreds of 'real world' bound, wide eyed college students, anxiously awaiting a chance to talk with you as well as your fellow coworkers about the possibility of a career with your company. While conversing with these students, you noted that some appeared confident, others were heavily perspiring when you spoke to them about their plans post graduation.. but all of them - of this I am sure - were the perfect balance of anxious and unsettled. If you remember correctly, you too were in the exact same position two years ago. The funny thing is, yesterday, you had a completely new perspective. What once seemed like such a fearful, defining moment now shone forth as - yes, a defining moment - but more so, a natural part of life - a small yet integral stone in this pathway known as life. I want you to forever remember this feeling when future life changes come your way and you are left wondering if everything is going to be alright.

It will.

You have always been okay, and you will continue to be okay for the remainder of your life. And with that, I want to remind you of a few realizations that I have come to know as truths along this journey:

You have tremendous worth. Be confident in who you are - learn your characteristics & traits. Find relationships & workplaces in which these characteristics are deemed valuable. Know that you are unrepeatable - there is a magic about you that is all your own. No one has been, currently is, or will ever be the exact mix of these characteristics and traits that make up the essence of [Laura Elizabeth].

People are just people; do not allow them to fill you with feelings of insecurity, envy, unnecessary shame or guilt. Everyone needs love & sincerity. If they are not displaying love & sincerity in their lives, do not judge them or blame it on them. Instead, merely assume that they have not yet seen it. Show it to them.

Life does not owe you anything. As soon as you are able to fathom this harsh yet true idea, you will no longer expect a problem free life. Know that hardship, trial, and grief are inherent risks of life. And then move on.

That hardship, trial, and grief that I just mentioned - everyone is experiencing. At some point in their lives, every single person on the face of the earth will have bad days/weeks/months/most likely years. You are to take comfort in this. Knowing this will give you the ability to relate. Don't bottle up these emotions and pretend as if you are not experiencing them. Let it out. Find a trustworthy mentor, best friend, family member to confide in.

Be a mentor. This involves being open, loving, trustworthy, respectable, and knowledgeable, so if you are not these things, you should probably go back to step one (hey - it's okay if you have to. Take time to become these things, and don't be distraught when it takes longer than you imagined). Find a mentee who is willing & able to retain what you discuss. Love them. Let them know how valuable they are. Share life with them.

Find out what you believe and why you believe it. Then stand firm. This involves feeding your faith with action & knowledge. Soon you will see your doubts beginning to starve. C.S. Lewis states that faith is the art of holding on to something in spite of changing moods and circumstances - I would say that he was pretty accurate in that description.

You will never stop learning. At first this may seem slightly annoying - which it kind of is - but who do you think you are.. Creator of the universe? Enjoy the learning. It is for the better that we don't understand everything. Life would not be nearly as magical as it is now.

Take the focus off of yourself. I know I just told you earlier about how you have tremendous worth and all, but you certainly do not deserve the focus. There are 7 billion people in this world. According to UNICEF, 22,000 children die each day due to poverty. Some 1.1 billion people in developing countries have inadequate access to water, and 2.6 billion lack basic sanitation. You're suddenly seeming less important, huh?

Do not ever be ashamed of your past. It brought you here, and right here is exactly where you should be.

And lastly..

When you find yourself forgetting these truths, remember that you, [Laura Elizabeth], are to hold yourself to a standard of grace - not perfection - because of Jesus Christ and his unfathomable mercy. In love, show this to others.

Again.. not to spoil the ending for you, but everything is going to turn out okay.

With love,
The 2014 [Laura Elizabeth]




|| Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works within us. ||

[so this is the new year]

It’s 12:46, and I’m sitting here in my work cubicle on my lunch break. I only have 60 minutes of internet quota time since Blogspot is outlawed by my place of profession (as well as Facebook and Spotify); therefore this post will be choppy & sweet.

- The closing of that novel you’ve been reading all freaking year.
- The second chance you’ve been so eagerly anticipating after that first go around didn't quite cut it.
- Three hundred sixty five acres of pasture full of wide open spaces.. just waiting for your creative little heart to take over and plow, build, run wild – whatever suits your fancy.

..or as some would put it:

The

New

Year.

 

I’m ready.. are you?

 

2013,

We made it. You tried your best to keep me down, and at times, you kind of did. BUT.. here I am. I made it through.. ready and feisty as ever to leap into 2014 with this four letter word we call h-o-p-e.

 

Your antics were both sweet & sour, which I guess in all reality, is quite better than plain & dry. You made me cry, question, and get accommodated with that terrifying thing called change.

 

You’ve made your presence known, that’s for sure. But you know what? I’m stronger, wiser, and more myself because of you. Everything that brought me here will be worth it – of this I am sure.

 

And for this reason, I give thanks.

 

Thank you. For European adventures. Beautiful, intentional friends. Laughter & silliness. A wonderful job with wonderful people. A new car. The gift of partaking in the unions of God seeking couples. Family communication via FaceTime and group messaging when I am a state away. Books with words of meaning and truth. For reminding me to be confident in who I am: a daughter of the King. Thank you even for the times you walked right over me while I was down. I got up.

 

And now is where I say..

 

Move along. You’re done here.

 

xoxo,

laura

 

“He has made everything beautiful in its time.”

--Ecclesiastes 3:11

 

 

My phenomenal Mrs. Mayberry on her wedding day right before she
 married her college golf coach.. life is funny, isn't it?

 

I wasn't kidding when I said my friends were beautiful.. THIS girl.

The A to my B personality AND she dresses up with me? One word: keeper.
P.S. Pumpkin + Pi(e)

 

My heart friend and I attending weddings.. it's what we do.

They REALLY are the best.
 

She gets me. AND she's cute to boot.



Oh ya.. I went to Europe.

 

 Get at me 2014!