August 2, 2015

[all that I know is I'm breathing]

You're playing dodgeball.

Balls are being thrown at you from every which way. That boy with the killer arm- the one that's going to knock you right off of the court and put you right down on the bench if you're not careful- he's got his gaze on you, and he's waiting to disengage.

Then there is the the quiet girl with her stealthiness- you can't tell when she's going to let go but you remember that her aim is the best of all your opponents. And her consistency.. second to none.

Which ones do you attempt to catch?
Which ones should you dodge & never turn your back to?

This is what my life currently feels like. Now, please take this post with a grain of salt, knowing that I can be somewhat of a pansy, as well as slightly dramatic- oops. However, this is the one image that I keep coming back to- over & over again- replaying in my mind when I think about the current season I am walking through.

I hate this.

I hate making out my life happenings to be bigger than what they are when there are people out there experiencing things I could never even think about experiencing myself.

But for some reason it feels good to type out your worries & fears- handing them out like a free pamphlet on the street corner to the endless users of the world wide web, hoping they will find some sort of use out of them- while the writing somehow urges me to come back to focus on the Constant.

Like all seasons- good & bad- this season requires a daily refocusing. I'm reminded of a dancer who is spotting on her turns- knowing that the only way she will stay upright is if she comes back to focus on that one seemingly far spot on the wall as she inches closer and closer to it with each spin.

I always say that I hate change.

My roommate doesn't believe me. She thinks that I am good at it. Apparently I put on a good front.

This season is bringing about all sorts of change. All sorts of topics that I would have never thought possible 6 months ago.


He says it when he wants us to listen- when he wants us to hurry up and come back to the realization that he is in control when we forget [or rather neglect to remember].

And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment."
-Revelation 21

A lot of life is choosing, I am finding. But what these clean cut words fail to show is the presence & reality of growing pains that these choices naturally bring about. Nevertheless, I am choosing to believe that he is working for my good. I am choosing to believe that I am outrageously l-o-v-e-d by my God who loves each of us with a passion so deep. A passion that urged him to give Jesus as a sacrifice to die for us so that he could get to know us.. he sees us as THAT valuable.

[Listen to me. I know what you're thinking. I've already thought out every detail of your life. After all, I did create you. Beloved, you're going to be fine. This is going to be good. You forget that I make the most perfect masterpieces- and that is exactly what I want to make out of you.]